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I always want the other guys and men to notice me... Wanting the other guys, or men in general, to notice you does not mean that you are gay. One reason for wanting to be noticed relates to fitting in with other guys who tend to be competitive. Perhaps you're not sure whether you play sports well enough, or whether you cut the grade as a guy. A good question to ask yourself is, "What do I want another man to notice about me?" Are you looking for someone who will say, "Way to go!" or, "I knew you could do it!" or, "You're okay!"? We all need to be affirmed and encouraged. At the same time, your worth is not determined by how well you do things. That's easy to say and hard to believe sometimes, when you are under a lot of pressure to perform. But it's true. Accept yourself, with your gifts and abilities and your weaknesses. Wanting to be noticed by men may simply be a matter of wanting to know that you are accepted by them, that you are OK. Perhaps your father didn't live with you, or was too busy with work to pay much attention to you. Perhaps you feel that you can't get his approval no matter how hard you try. Maybe he called you names and pushed you around. Whatever the case, if your dad didn't tell you that you mattered, that you are important to him, it's no surprise that you want men to notice you. If there's a dad-shaped space in your heart which hasn't been filled, face that pain with someone you trust. It is not wrong to look for some attention, we all need it. Find healthy men and women who will accept you and treat you with respect. Remember though, an adult who encourages you to become involved in sexual encounters does not understand that these encounters would bring added stress to your life, and such a person is not someone who has your best interests at heart. |
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