An older guy (or an adult man) sexually abused me. I must be gay because I was sexually aroused by what happened...Abuse is an awful thing to experience. For men, it takes a lot of courage even to admit that they were abused, but it's important to tell someone you trust and to get help in working through the effects of the abuse. Abuse is also a very confusing experience. A boy or young man who has been abused may believe many things that are not true. For example: - "I deserved it." That's not true. It doesn't matter who you are, where you've been, or what you've done in life. NO ONE deserves to be abused or mistreated. EVERYONE should be treated with respect.
- "It's my fault." You may feel that it is your fault, but that's not true either. The abuser chose to take advantage of his age or power over you to do things that are wrong and hurtful. You did not make him abuse you. They chose to do it and they are to blame.
- "I must be bad and awful." You certainly may feel like you are bad and awful because of what happened. But you are not bad and awful. These feelings you have are very real, and you may find it helpful to talk to someone you trust about them. The reality is that bad things happened to you, but you are NOT bad. Awful things happened to you, but you are NOT awful.
- "I was aroused by what happened, so I must have wanted it and must be gay." That's not true either. Here's some information that might be helpful: Becoming sexually aroused, or turned on, by what happened has nothing to do with being gay or straight. It has to do with how our bodies are designed. Our bodies are designed to respond to physical touch. A man's penis is especially responsive to physical touch. It doesn't know whether a woman or a man is doing the touching. It doesn't know whether the situation is mutually agreed to or abusive. All it "knows" is that it is being touched and that it feels good. Even without being touched directly, a sexual situation like abuse can result in physical arousal, whether or not there is any pleasure in the situation.
If you have been abused, there are places you can get help. |
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