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I really want another woman to take care of me, love me and spend time with me... What is it that you are really looking for? What do you hope will result from being held close? Do you want to be sexually intimate with another woman, or are you looking more for love, caring and closeness? Do you want to be protected? Do you just want to know that someone is there for you? Do you feel scared and little and want someone strong to take care of you? When you want another woman to take care of you, what are you feeling inside? Are you feeling afraid? Lonely? Is everything going crazy all around you and you don't know what's going to happen next? Are you feeling depressed and need some help to keep going? Are you looking for someone who will understand how you feel? These are some of the questions which may help you understand what is behind your desire to have another woman take care of you and spend time with you. These feelings may go back to your relationship with your mother. Perhaps she wasn't there for you. She may have been absent completely from your life, if there was divorce or sickness. She may have living in the same house as you and the rest of the family, without being there for you. Perhaps you couldn't get her approval no matter how hard you tried. Some mothers pour lots of their love and energy into their children. Their children have a sense of being well cared for, of being secure and loved and special. Where this does not happen, a little girl can grow up with a mom-shaped space in her heart which hasn't been filled -- wanting but never having gotten love from her mother. If your mother didn't tell you (or wasn't able to tell you) that you mattered, that you are important to her, it's no surprise that you are looking for attention and affirmation from other women. It doesn't mean that you are lesbian; it means that you have been hurt deep inside and are looking for comfort and help. Face that pain with someone you trust. Find someone who will listen to you, encourage you, support you; someone who believes in you and respects you as a person. The person you find might provide some healthy, non-sexual physical contact, such as a hug or putting their arm around you, or they might not. Remember, though, an adult who encourages you to become involved in sexual encounters does not understand that these encounters would bring added stress to your life, and such a person is not someone who has your best interests at heart. Find healthy men and women who will accept you and treat you with respect. Look for people who will care about you, who are there for you when things are rough, who understand how you feel and what you really need. |
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