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I was sexually abused by a guy/an adult man. I must be lesbian because sometimes I just hate all men ... Abuse is an awful thing to experience. It takes courage to admit that you were abused, and it's important to tell someone you trust and to get help in working through the effects of the abuse. When one has been abused by a man, it is sometimes tempting to say, "Men are such pigs; I never want anything to do with them again." That is an understandable reaction when you have been hurt in such an awful way. It does not mean that you are lesbian. At the same time, it is important to eventually move beyond the generalization that "men are pigs". The reality is that, while some men are like that, other men aren't and will treat you respectfully. Do not shut out all men because of bad experiences with some men. That will not help you in the long run. Instead, it is possible to work through the anger and hurt that resulted from the abuse and find resolution and healing from it. This is often best accomplished with help from a trained counsellor or support group specifically meant for women who have been sexually abused. You may also feel afraid of having sex with any other man, or not safe with men at all. That is very understandable. Certainly there is no need to be sexually involved right now. Work through the abuse that happened. Build good friendships with guys -- friendships where you just like each other as people and enjoy spending time together in non-sexual ways. Find guys and men who respect you, who respect your limits and boundaries, and who are safe to be around. * If you have been abused, there are places you can get help. Even if you haven't been abused, you may find it difficult to trust men. It may be that your dad left your mom to have affairs with other women, for example, and you promised yourself you would never trust another man. It is important not to generalize and assume that all men are like your father. They are not. Some are very respectful and will really care about you. Here again, you may want to work through some of the anger that you have towards your dad. |
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