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Honour the trust your friend has placed in you All people have the right to decide if, when, and who to tell about things that are important to them. Some people are very open about their sexuality. Others may have told only a few people. If your friend or acquaintance has trusted you and secretly told you about his or her same-gender attraction, respect that trust. Do not tell anyone this secret. If you find it difficult to deal with what you've been told, learn more about same-gender attraction. You may be interested in reading books and articles which give a variety of perspectives on the topic. Your friend certainly may be able to suggest some materials. Libraries, websites, youth organizations, and your faith community (if you have one) are all possible sources for other materials. Of course, listening to your friend will teach you a lot all by itself. If you need to talk to someone else, find someone who does not know your friend (perhaps a teacher or youth leader) and ask general questions without using a name or other details. Perhaps your friend hasn't told you anything, but you wonder if he or she experiences same-gender attraction. There are various things you can do: * You could mention something from the news or a TV show which has to do with homosexuality, * You could comment about how it bothers you when people bash gay and lesbian people (or something similar), as a way of bringing up the topic at a more personal level. * If you've noticed that something is bothering your friend, you could say something like, "It seems like things are a bit rough for you right now. Do you want to talk about it?" If your friend says no, respect that choice but communicate that if he or she ever does, you're available. * You could share some personal things about yourself, to move your friendship to a deeper level where your friend may feel more comfortable talking about personal stuff. * You could ask your friend outright. Which one of these you do, if any, depends on several things: How long have you known each other? Is your friend generally easy-going and open, or does he or she not say much about personal things? What would you say if your friend asks you why you want to know? What would your friend know about your attitude about same-gender attraction? (in other words, has your friend heard you tell gay jokes and put down other people, or does he or she see you acting respectfully toward others regardless of differences?) |
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