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Why would someone who experiences same-gender attraction not want to be gay?

First of all, when people say they don't want to be gay they may mean different things.  Some people really wish they didn't experience attractions to the same-sex.  The problem is, just wishing something would go away doesn't work.  Others say they don't want to be gay - and they mean that they don't want to have a same-sex sexual relationship or identify with certain aspects of gay culture - like the Pride parade.  So different people mean different things and have different reasons why they don't want to be gay.

Some people don't want to be gay because of how others have reacted to them. Maybe their parents don't want them to be gay. Maybe some of their friends have stopped being their friends. While these responses are painful, they shouldn't be the only motivation behind decisions about how you will live your life.  If you try to deny your same-gender attraction you'll only be unhappy. If you don't want to identify as gay or have a gay relationship or be part of the gay community, that's fine, but it's a choice you have to make because it's what you really want.

Some people don't want to be gay because they think that if they could just become straight, all their problems will disappear. This is just not true! There is no quick-fix or guaranteed way to become straight or to deal with all of life's problems. That and straight people have all kinds of problems too.

Some people don't want to be gay because they don't think they really are gay, even though they are attracted to the same sex and not the opposite sex. Deep inside, they say, "This might be what I feel, but it's not who I really am." Or, "This might be what I feel, but it's not who I really want to be." And so they choose not to identify themselves as gay or lesbian, and choose not to act on their attraction to people of the same sex. Instead, they center their identity and their relationships and decisions around being the person they feel they really are or want to be - one that is not defined by their experience of sexual attraction.

Some people don't want to be gay because their religious beliefs say that same gender sexual behaviour is not what God wants of their lives. Influenced by their strong religious convictions, they have decided not to engage in same gender sexual behaviour - whether or not there is ever a change in their attractions. It is a difficult path to choose, but it's what they want to do.  Sometimes such people will live in intentional communities with other people of faith as a way to experience intimacy and family.  And sometimes people will have a life companion - with whom they have a committed but non-sexual friendship.  This is sometimes called a covenantal friendship.  Each of these options must be carefully considered by the individual to discern if this would be a good fit for them.  However, it does show that there are some creative ways to live consistently with your beliefs and values without having to live alone.